Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
