yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
