So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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