How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
