I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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