So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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