how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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