im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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