Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
