I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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