Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
