I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
