Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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