Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
