It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
