WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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