Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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