Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
