What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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