we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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