u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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