someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
