i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
