I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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