I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
