She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
