I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
