found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
