Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
