I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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