Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
