his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
