he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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