Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
