So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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