mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
