I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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