just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
