There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
