She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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