4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
