just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
