So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
