He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
