The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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