you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hippo gnu deer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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