perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
