you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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