next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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