I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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