Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
