i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
