All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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