break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
