I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
