On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
