ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
