I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
