Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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