I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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