my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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