so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
