Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
