I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at about main and main street
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
