I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
