While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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