Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
