Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
