He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found puke in my bra..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
