By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
