man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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