the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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