Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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