I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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