I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found the puke drawer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
