So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who died my cat blue again?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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