You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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