I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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